Synopsis=Greek Word for Hell

I'm bad. I'm supposed to be writing the synopsis for book 2 at request of Dream Agent. Instead, I'm surfing, leaving pithy comments on other blogs, checking email, bidding on website software on eBay...basically, anything to keep from writing the synopsis. I've even considered doing laundry and other cleaning, but straits aren't quite that dire. Yet.

Normally, I don't freak out over writing a synopsis. It's just telling the story, short version. Right? Funny thing, though; every synopsis I've ever written ends up reading like a giant barbell. Tons of detailed information about the opening, tons of detailed information about the final scene (for some reason, I always view the ending like one giant Technicolor movie very early in the writing process), and a lot of "things happen" phrases in the middle. As my friend Karen Potter said about a synopsis of hers, the part where you get frustrated and write, "They date."

I think the best way to visualize my synopsis woes is to refer to a classic Far Side cartoon, the one where the two scientists are staring at a chalkboard covered with mathematical equations except in the middle, where one of them has written "Then a miracle occurs." The caption? "I think you need to be more explicit here in step two." That's my problem. I need to be more explicit in step two, aka the rest of the entire synopsis!

On top of that, the squirrels upstairs are not cooperating. I ask for synopsis, I get bits of dialogue. I ask for narrative storyline, I get scenelets. I ask for theme, arc, character development, I get pith. Those squirrels are in for a world of hurt if I get my hands on them.

Is it me? Am I trying to do too many things at once with one poor synopsis? Is the one-page-per-ten-thousand-words rule of thumb not the rule I should be using right now? Help, please. I'm about to research Greek words for lots of other things, like pejoratives. And invective. And cussing.