The Bed List/The Dinner List

BED LIST: ASHTON KUTCHER



Okay, this one is purely on looks. That, and he has the smarts to marry an older woman. She's Demi Moore, of course, but she's still older. Good for him. Definitely good for her. Rawr.

DINNER LIST: BILL GATES



Ashton Kutcher and Bill Gates--Beauty and the Geek, or what? I'm the first to admit that I am no fan of Microsoft products, aka "Bloatware." Buying Microsoft contributes to the sheepification of America, so no Windows for me, thanks. I do, however, have great respect for Bill Gates because of his generosity and clarity of thinking. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation puts considerable cash into worthy causes, from rethinking education to providing sensible health care for sub-Saharan Africa. This man is always thinking ahead, and he's rich enough to do something about it. That, I can respect. And gladly buy dinner for.

That IS the Question

R.I.P. Chick Lit--for Now

Depressing news comes more often by email and link these days, doesn't it? According to agent Jenny Bent, Barnes and Noble's head buyer has declared chick lit officially dead.

Boo hoo for me. I guess Crash Test won't be seeing the light of day anytime soon. But I kind of figured that out already. So am I giving up? Hell, no. And if Ms. Bent is to be believed, the hallmark of chick lit--the voice--isn't really going anywhere. It's just morphing into something else, say a mystery with attitude or mom lit or hen lit or whatever they're calling books about slightly older heroines whose voices haven't been quashed in the carpool line.

Some people never learn. Too much of a good thing is too much, and not a good thing. Flooding the market with questionable product simply because it's the new hot thing kills sales. In this case, it killed a subgenre with an interesting way of saying things. If some of the bandwagon writers had found more original things to say instead of creating Bridget Jones 3.2, then maybe things would be different.

But it doesn't help to speculate, and brooding over it won't get my next projects written. Those heroines have plenty to say, but don't expect them to abandon the forthrightness their chick lit siblings laid claim to. Or that they want to speak for themselves, in first person. I guess the true lesson here is that the Presbyterian way is pretty darned sensible: All things in moderation.

Okay, off to write.

S-p-e-l-l-i-n-g Counts!

Call me a cranky English teacher if you must, but I'm a bit perturbed at this:

I'm all for Fergie making a name for herself in a way that has nothing to do with her abs or her former crystal meth addiction, but what boneheaded copyeditor/art director approved this title? DUCHESS IS NOT FREAKIN' SPELLED WITH A 'T'!!

It's petty, I know, but this kind of thing is important. We can't have folks assuming that Dutchesses are married to Dutkes. Or that Scarlet O'Hara has been cleverly named after a paint color. Scarlett=two Ts. Duchess=no T. Got it?

Fergie, I hear your solo set rocks. Good for you. But if your second CD elevates you to "Empriss," we're gonna have more than words about spelling.

Loaner Envy

Since it'll take until Tuesday to fix Inga, Richard the Service Manager asks me to return the Fleetmobile so he can put me in one of his loaners. I'm thinking a Jetta. Lo and behold, this is currently sitting in my driveway:

DH, who drives an older Passat wagon, is greener than the car. I'm not trading in Inga anytime--love that tight suspension!--but this is a sweet ride. And the ignition gets major cool points. So I'm styling some serious German engineering until Tuesday. Could be worse. A lot worse.

Personal to Richard: Sorry those beers weren't cold, buddy. I'll hook you up when I get my car back.

The Bed List/The Dinner List

BED LIST: JAMES PUREFOY



I like 'em rugged. Rugged and English, it appears. James Purefoy isn't your conventional pretty boy, but he does rugged. Born in Somerset. He plays a mean Edward, The Black Prince of Wales (you must, simply must, buy A Knight's Tale--three Bed List choices in there alone!). He's also good and rugged enough to have played Marc Antony in the recent miniseries Rome. Hey, if Cleopatra can work herself up over him enough to go asp, then hey, I'll wrestle.

DINNER LIST: SENATOR JOHN McCAIN



Speaking of rugged--Sen. McCain was a POW in Vietnam. He's now a senior senator and possible candidate for President. I admire him because he's a no-BS kind of man. He's not afraid to sponsor unpopular legislation (McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill) and speak out against political talking heads when he thinks they've gone off the rails (which is often, unfortunately for them). He's also willing to reach across the aisle (Sen. Feingold is a Democrat) for the right causes. This is a man I'd be honored to buy dinner. And maybe vote for.

Oh, the Horror

Inga, my beloved Turbo Beetle (aka "my Fast," hahaha) needs to go to the car doctor. So DH and I plan to drop her off this morning and hitch a ride to a workshop together.

Nay, nay, Fluffy.

Turns out Inga's issues aren't primarily cosmetic. That rear window adhesive can't just be fixed. We're talking new top. $4500 of new top. My favorite word today is warranty. So because I have to have a new top, they put me in a rental. One of these:

Yep, a tan Chevrolet Cobalt four-door sedan with manual everything. You couldn't say "fleet car" any louder unless you spray painted the word RENTAL down the side.

On the plus side, it's ridiculously clean. It will get me from place to place. There's room for my kids and all their stuff.

But it's a tan Chevy Cobalt, and that is so. not. me. Please, please VW people, hurry with mein fraulein already!!

The Bed List/The Dinner List

BED LIST: JONATHAN RHYS-MYERS



Okay, Jonathan Rhys-Myers is a little dreamier and prettier than I usually go for, but he's worth it, dontcha think? Totally adorable in Bend it Like Beckham, plays the naughty boy in Vanity Fair. Oh, and he's been Elvis, too. Young Elvis. Young, good looking Elvis. And he has an accent. Good looking, gorgeous eyes, has an accent. Yep, that's a recipe for trouble.

DINNER LIST: WILLIAM H. MACY



William H. Macy is a terrific actor and a terrific person. Too bad he doesn't do it for me, since he's in my age group and is closer to the bounds of reality than my usual Bed List picks, but I digress. Besides, he's married to Felicity Huffman, and like this desperate housewife has a snowball's chance in hell against her. Right. I'd do dinner, though.

The Bed List/The Dinner List

BED LIST: DAVID DUCHOVNY



Sense of humor, reads, Ivy League education. And there's a drinking game involving him. The truth is out there, and his name is David Duchovny. Come on over, Mulder, and let me X your Files!

DINNER LIST: STEVE ZAHN



This man is off. But it's a good kind of off. Who better to play the stoner sidekick? Steve Zahn is funny as hell. He's the master of the straight line, and he throws himself into whatever he's doing (I double-dog dare you to watch him wrestle a rogue raccoon in Saving Silverman and not laugh) Hanging out with him and mocking pretentious people in a pretentious restaurant would be a howl.