After school today, my new office partner and another new teacher and I were discussing the peculiar psychology of the "zoo class." This is the one period of kids during the school day that can be counted on to act like marmosets on speed. Doesn't matter what you do to them or with them, they are--as the kids at my school say--"off the chain."
My zoo class is fourth period. It's not overly large, but it has one screwed-up dynamic; i.e. a sociology doctorate waiting to happen 55 minutes of every day. One side of the room is all boys, most of them jocks. Interesting répartée, to say the least, especially when the comic book/manga fiend speaks up. One gaggle of girls in the corner cannot. shut. up. Cannot. As in, couldn't hold it in at gunpoint. One of them taunts another girl across the room with badly-drawn pictures of Patrick Starfish, because Girl 1 swears that Girl 2 has Patrick's intellect (Girl 2, to her credit, thinks that Girl 1 is full of it and doesn't take the bait. Smart girl.) Two guys in another corner are quietquietquiet. You have to wonder if they're supremely introverted or just plain catatonic. Needless to say, it's a bizarro balancing act every day. Sometimes I make it. Sometimes I plunge screaming into the net and go begging for chocolate.
The trouble with zoo class? Despite all the weirdness, you can't help liking them for their spontaneity and unpredictability. Zoo class will definitely wear you out and send you groaning for the Tylenol, but it can also unearth some profound comments.
Still, every once in a while you wish you had a Cone of Silence to lower, for no other reason than thirty seconds of absolute quiet...
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
You'd Think They, of All People...
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Not to get too involved in theological debate, but...
A group of folks at my church aren't happy with the direction the church is going in. You'd think they'd be forthright about their opinions and discuss them openly with the paster, right? That would be the Christian thing to do, I'm thinking. But is that how they handle it? Noooooooooooooooooo. Why be forthright and upstanding when you can start rumors and spread innuendo? I mean, that's what being a Christian is all about, isn't it?
Oh, wait. The charge is to "spread the good news." Hmm. You'd think people who claim to be so passionately interested in the church would get the point.
Maybe they need to spend more time listening on Sundays than they do talking.
*sigh*
A group of folks at my church aren't happy with the direction the church is going in. You'd think they'd be forthright about their opinions and discuss them openly with the paster, right? That would be the Christian thing to do, I'm thinking. But is that how they handle it? Noooooooooooooooooo. Why be forthright and upstanding when you can start rumors and spread innuendo? I mean, that's what being a Christian is all about, isn't it?
Oh, wait. The charge is to "spread the good news." Hmm. You'd think people who claim to be so passionately interested in the church would get the point.
Maybe they need to spend more time listening on Sundays than they do talking.
*sigh*
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Laundry Confessions
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When the water heater went kaput, we had to move the washing machine out of the way. Washing machine stayed in the middle of the curling-vinyl laundry room floor for a week and half. Now that everything's turned back on, this weekend has been the Great Clean Clothes Marathon, aka tackling Mt. Washmore, as my friend Melynda calls it.
Things I have discovered while doing two weeks' worth of laundry:
Things I have discovered while doing two weeks' worth of laundry:
- Every woman deserves her own front-loader.
- My husband has more clothes than I do, all protests to the contrary.
- My daughter has more underwear than a lingerie model (she's six).
- My husband has more underwear than a lingerie model. Yes, it's men's underwear.
- My son cannot keep track of his socks. Either that, or sock-stealing aliens from planet Coldfeet have been making repeat visits to our house while we're not looking.
- Some of my underwear is in really sad shape.
- I really need to purge my children's clothes. My son has several pairs of floods that would see him through hurricane season for the next several years, at least.
- Scariest of all, my family has enough clothes to get us through two weeks of no laundry.
Friday, August 26, 2005
The Bed List/The Dinner List
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The thinking woman's Bed/Dinner List:
BED LIST: JEREMY NORTHAM
The best thing about the movie adaptation of Emma (although I have to admit Gwenyth Paltrow did a great job as our erstwhile matchmaking heroine) was Jeremy Northam as Mr. Knightley. Jeremy Northam in anything is wonderful. He tends to choose roles in movies that require a brain, like Gosford Park, Amistad, Carrington and An Ideal Husband. But for full-on heavy breathing, put Possession at the top of your Netflix queue. It's not a great adaptation of A.S. Byatt's book, but those scenes between Northam's Randolph Ash and Jennifer Ehle's Christabel LaMotte could set their poems on fire. Love the eyes, love the smile, love the look, but especially love the brain. Isn't sex more about the organ between your ears than the one between your legs anyway?
DINNER LIST: AUGUST WILSON
The sad news that August Wilson, probably the most influential African-American dramatist ever, has terminal liver cancer, hit me hard. I've been reading and enjoying Wilson's plays for years now. Wilson is renowned for his Twentieth-Century cycle, a series of ten plays that chronicle the African-American experience in each decade of the century. The best-known of these, The Piano Lesson and Fences, won the Pulitzer Prize (Fences also took the Tony for Best Drama). About half of them won New York Drama Critics Circle awards. Here's the spooky thing: Wilson is putting the finishing touches on the final play of the cycle, Radio Golf. Most likely, he will not live to see it produced on Broadway, nor will he ever write anything else. It's almost as if we were allowed to enjoy his gift in this particular way, and then it'll be gone.
I'd love to have dinner with August Wilson. I'd thank him profusely for helping me better understand a culture that's so closely entwined with my own (I did, after all, grow up in the South). Any white person who actually thinks that racism in this country is something of the past ought to be required to read August Wilson.
BED LIST: JEREMY NORTHAM
The best thing about the movie adaptation of Emma (although I have to admit Gwenyth Paltrow did a great job as our erstwhile matchmaking heroine) was Jeremy Northam as Mr. Knightley. Jeremy Northam in anything is wonderful. He tends to choose roles in movies that require a brain, like Gosford Park, Amistad, Carrington and An Ideal Husband. But for full-on heavy breathing, put Possession at the top of your Netflix queue. It's not a great adaptation of A.S. Byatt's book, but those scenes between Northam's Randolph Ash and Jennifer Ehle's Christabel LaMotte could set their poems on fire. Love the eyes, love the smile, love the look, but especially love the brain. Isn't sex more about the organ between your ears than the one between your legs anyway?
DINNER LIST: AUGUST WILSON
The sad news that August Wilson, probably the most influential African-American dramatist ever, has terminal liver cancer, hit me hard. I've been reading and enjoying Wilson's plays for years now. Wilson is renowned for his Twentieth-Century cycle, a series of ten plays that chronicle the African-American experience in each decade of the century. The best-known of these, The Piano Lesson and Fences, won the Pulitzer Prize (Fences also took the Tony for Best Drama). About half of them won New York Drama Critics Circle awards. Here's the spooky thing: Wilson is putting the finishing touches on the final play of the cycle, Radio Golf. Most likely, he will not live to see it produced on Broadway, nor will he ever write anything else. It's almost as if we were allowed to enjoy his gift in this particular way, and then it'll be gone.
I'd love to have dinner with August Wilson. I'd thank him profusely for helping me better understand a culture that's so closely entwined with my own (I did, after all, grow up in the South). Any white person who actually thinks that racism in this country is something of the past ought to be required to read August Wilson.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Namaste!
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Did yoga this morning for the first time in ages. Can you say, "Stiff and unresponsive?"
It is weird to do yoga with a Brittany sniffing in your ear the whole time.
Feel better, though. Gotta try that again soon.
It is weird to do yoga with a Brittany sniffing in your ear the whole time.
Feel better, though. Gotta try that again soon.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
This is NOT Happening...
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Get home from church, lunch, and errands to find water all over the laundry room floor. Apparently, leak coming from A/C unit. Something's blocked (that's what happens when you have children and dogs and run the A/C all the time). DH now trying to blow out system block with hose.
If we spent $300 on a new water heater for no reason, I may implode.
Self-consolation: Old water heater was 12 years old, which is far beyond normal life for a water heater in mineral-rich Central Florida. Old water heater was making strange dripping noises with the valve shut all the way off. Much of water was pooled around heater.
Still, if we spent $300 on a new water heater for no reason...
If we spent $300 on a new water heater for no reason, I may implode.
Self-consolation: Old water heater was 12 years old, which is far beyond normal life for a water heater in mineral-rich Central Florida. Old water heater was making strange dripping noises with the valve shut all the way off. Much of water was pooled around heater.
Still, if we spent $300 on a new water heater for no reason...
Maitland Rocks!
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The Maitland boys cruised past Newton, PA last night in the Little League World Series--barring a series of spectacular occurrences, they'll make it into the semis. Woo hoo!
The cool thing is that the city is going baseball crazy--watch parties that even teenagers attend, signs and balloons everywhere, and people being nice (imagine that). Too bad every town can't get a dose of Little League fever!
The cool thing is that the city is going baseball crazy--watch parties that even teenagers attend, signs and balloons everywhere, and people being nice (imagine that). Too bad every town can't get a dose of Little League fever!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
My Husband is a STUD
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DH has fulfilled my dearest wish. I will be taking a hot shower very, very soon.
The Movies in 15 Minutes version of the remainder of our Home Depot installation saga:
HD Installer: I'm not touching that thing; it has an energy management box.
DH: But you can't just leave without...
(HD Installer leaves skid marks backing out of our driveway)
DH: (on phone with sap from HD Installation Services) Do I get a water heater tonight or not?
Sap from HD Installation Services: No. We're still getting out of the clown car.
DH: Refund all the money. Fix your screwed up system so some poor 80-year-old grandmother with a busted water heater doesn't have the same problems we have. (righteous phone receiver slamming)
mimi: (impressed by DH's care for helpless old ladies, but still miffed at the water situation) Crap. This means no hot shower tomorrow morning.
DH: Off to Lowe's to buy a water heater.
Lowe's Salesman: Don't spend that much money. I'm an ex-plumber. Buy this one and all this junk to put it in with.
(DH refrains from kissing salesman on mouth; saves $200 and brings home water heater in a box and junk to put it in with, like valves, hoses, and Teflon tape.)
mimi: How long till hot water?
DH: Hold your tongue, woman. (goes to driving range)
mimi: Argh!! (goes to paint hallway)
DH: (back from driving range) Screw, screw, tape, tape, fix, fix, open valve.
Angels: (singing) Hallelujah!!
DH: I am man. I have pipe wrench. I fix water heater. Feed me!
mimi: Hey, for hot water, you'll get a lot more than a steak.
Okay, off to live up to my innuendo...
The Movies in 15 Minutes version of the remainder of our Home Depot installation saga:
ACT I
I don't feel like synopsizing our earlier trauma again. Read this instead.ACT II
Friday evening. Chez mimi is on Day Three of the Hot Water Watch.HD Installer: I'm not touching that thing; it has an energy management box.
DH: But you can't just leave without...
(HD Installer leaves skid marks backing out of our driveway)
DH: (on phone with sap from HD Installation Services) Do I get a water heater tonight or not?
Sap from HD Installation Services: No. We're still getting out of the clown car.
DH: Refund all the money. Fix your screwed up system so some poor 80-year-old grandmother with a busted water heater doesn't have the same problems we have. (righteous phone receiver slamming)
mimi: (impressed by DH's care for helpless old ladies, but still miffed at the water situation) Crap. This means no hot shower tomorrow morning.
ACT III
Saturday dawns.DH: Off to Lowe's to buy a water heater.
Lowe's Salesman: Don't spend that much money. I'm an ex-plumber. Buy this one and all this junk to put it in with.
(DH refrains from kissing salesman on mouth; saves $200 and brings home water heater in a box and junk to put it in with, like valves, hoses, and Teflon tape.)
mimi: How long till hot water?
DH: Hold your tongue, woman. (goes to driving range)
mimi: Argh!! (goes to paint hallway)
DH: (back from driving range) Screw, screw, tape, tape, fix, fix, open valve.
Angels: (singing) Hallelujah!!
DH: I am man. I have pipe wrench. I fix water heater. Feed me!
mimi: Hey, for hot water, you'll get a lot more than a steak.
THE END
Okay, off to live up to my innuendo...
Friday, August 19, 2005
The Bed List/The Dinner List
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It's a science fiction double feature!
BED LIST: MICHAEL BIEHN
Recognize this look? Maybe this will jog your memory: "I came through time for you, Sarah." My BF Kelly and I have been lusting after Michael Biehn since The Terminator. Aliens only added to our case. He's even hot as the psycho Special Forces guy in The Abyss. Plus, he's from Alabama. Sexy and Southern. Downright deadly!!
DINNER LIST: TIM CURRY
Versatile, funny, and charming; that's Tim Curry. I love him in everything he does, from The Hunt for Red October to Charlie's Angels to Spamalot, but the ultimate Tim Curry role is, of course, Dr. Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Remember this look?
Any guy who'll dress like this is aces in my book. Let's have dinner and do the Time Warp!!
BED LIST: MICHAEL BIEHN
Recognize this look? Maybe this will jog your memory: "I came through time for you, Sarah." My BF Kelly and I have been lusting after Michael Biehn since The Terminator. Aliens only added to our case. He's even hot as the psycho Special Forces guy in The Abyss. Plus, he's from Alabama. Sexy and Southern. Downright deadly!!
DINNER LIST: TIM CURRY
Versatile, funny, and charming; that's Tim Curry. I love him in everything he does, from The Hunt for Red October to Charlie's Angels to Spamalot, but the ultimate Tim Curry role is, of course, Dr. Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Remember this look?
Any guy who'll dress like this is aces in my book. Let's have dinner and do the Time Warp!!
Go Maitland!!
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The Little League team from Maitland, FL just won its first game in the Little League World Series. They beat the Midwest Regional Champions from Davenport, Iowa 7-3. Woo hoo!!
It's fun to watch this batch of kids, especially since I know some of them. We go to church with Tanner Stanley and his family, and I went to high school with Trent Richardi's dad.
The whole town will probably be at the Mickey D's tomorrow for more "Maitland McFlurries" (vanilla ice cream with a pulverized hot apple pie--apple pie, baseball, get it?) to keep the boys in Williamsport.
This is so cool!!
It's fun to watch this batch of kids, especially since I know some of them. We go to church with Tanner Stanley and his family, and I went to high school with Trent Richardi's dad.
The whole town will probably be at the Mickey D's tomorrow for more "Maitland McFlurries" (vanilla ice cream with a pulverized hot apple pie--apple pie, baseball, get it?) to keep the boys in Williamsport.
This is so cool!!
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